I thought about nothing when I declared a bubble in my oxygen levels and repaired it with a quick fix of caffeine clarity.
67 ah there it is, a symbol of youth that I don’t know the meaning of. Still, 67 (as in years for me) is a long time to sort out what the toughest decision I’ve made is. Hell most of the time I forget something 15 minutes ago but I will find one or more to post in here today.
Circa 1982 – After being married for 4 months I left my wife at home and moved to Missouri to learn how to drive a Semi. We were apart for about six months before I made my way back to Indiana where I continued to drive over the road for the next 15 years which resulted in a failed marriage.
Circa 1995 – Leaving my three sons in their mothers care. This was a heartbreaking choice but at the time it seemed like the best choice I could make as the state of my life at the time was not favorable to children.
Circa 2016 – This is by far the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but one that I don’t regret. I moved back to Indiana in 2010 and shortly afterwards my step father passed, leaving my mother “lost in the dark”. Mom had dementia and struggled to recognize the family. She stared at me for a long time before asking in a shaky voice if I was Ernie, her youngest son.
From that moment on I cared for mom 24/7 for the next 4 years while she battled this mind bending torture. The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make was taking her POA, my next oldest brother with me to the doctor’s office and asking the doc to place mom on hospice. They brought the drug to end her life and left it with me to give her. I struggled with the thought that I was or had committed murder by feeding her the drug. This took me to a very dark space and today I still struggle with this. The Lord has tried to sooth these feelings but like a cockroach in the night, they still scurry around my brain in the dark, haunting my sanity.
N2725 Β©www.dawgydaddyresponds.org
Dawgy Daddy responds 