This dawgs whine of sorrow.

I have talked about loneliness and how I have adapted to it over the years. I had referred to a REO song that helped me beat the sorrows of being alone but for the last week or so I have been hit with constant feelings of hopelessness and feelings of loss connection to humanity.

I retired a couple of weeks before covid hit and after being shut down in Michigan I started withdrawing from society. With no job and no way to get out and enjoy life I fell into an self discovering journey of who I really was and what I wanted to become. I still had my bike so long rides were one thing that helped me keep my sanity.

Long story short on the bike, I no longer have it. Since that time I have had cancer but thankfully it was caught in time and after a operation have remained cancer free, thank you Lord. I have turned my diabetes around from taking an injection daily to checking my sugars at random and been taken off all meds for that. Again, Thank you Lord.

Since 2017 I have went from 390 pounds to 238 pounds, hooray right? The catch to all of this is the loneliness I thought was below me or behind me jumped up and slapped me in the face when I thought I could open up with a woman. Unfortunately that didn’t pan out either. Instead it planted am ungodly seed in the back of my brain that a relationship of love and contentment would never shine on my heart again. I accepted this fact and kept trying to move forward.

The few in person relationships I have had have become distant and occur only when they want to talk on the phone which is constantly decreasing too. Quick bouts of anger usually follow but don’t last long as I can only blame myself for this. I moved to a one horse town north of common sense and too far for anyone to rarely visit and of course that played into the end results as it seems to me that it is the same distance for me to travel as it is them.

As you guys know I have thrown myself into building this website and writing two poetry books during this time so yes, I have kept my mind active thus not giving room to the void of loneliness that lingers in the dark recesses of the mind. I try to build the daily challenges up so as to keep the mind off of this sorrow but it only can last so long.

So what is a dawg supposed to do? I have become guarded when opening up to people because of the way I have lived life and trust issues from those life lessons of the past. And since I have to be honest with myself, I never have given 100 % in any relationship so ok, it falls on me.

The rub;

Since February 28th of last year I have slowly found a new group of friends that I enjoy tremendously here on WordPress. You guys have embraced me for who I am and I can’t thank you enough. You wonderful people have let my little light shine but the in person connections are needed too.

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